Frankly, this probably was not the best week for me to be in charge of the Lighthouse blog post. School is really busy right now; I’m. stressed. out. I don’t feel well. I don’t mean physically, rather, mentally. You know how when you’re stressed out and a lot of times older people, or even sometimes the people close to you just don’t seem to have the time or patience to help you out? Or maybe they’re just too wrapped up in their own concerns at that time? Normal people get stressed, and that’s perfectly fine; they know that, and because of that they trust that you’ll be fine too. That you’ll figure it out yourself. And that usually works. But for someone who lives in daily warfare with themself, sometimes it’s those days or weeks of “just life-stress” that can be some of the worst.
I wrestle with my personality vices daily. Most days I do alright, but some are harder than others, and the more stressed I get, the harder it becomes to see the small, beautiful details in daily life. I miss them. Completely and utterly miss those things that remind me why I bother, why I care. I don’t see that silver-lining, and at times when I do look for it, I just can’t seem to find it. I get shrouded in the darkness of myself and it’s difficult for me to see where God is at work in my life, even. And it’s during these busy weeks, like this, that I feel that threatening feeling creeping up on me from out of my shadow and my soul becomes a bit fearful; as though stress was not enough.
But this week has been different.
I’d been working on homework for several hours solid after a shift at work, no break to speak of for a good majority of the day. Finally, though, I reached a point where I could no longer ignore the rumbling growls emanating from my stomach. Not wanting to take a break from homework though, I grabbed a book and marched down to the SUB, figuring that I’d read while I ate a quick dinner.
Upon entering the SUB I immediately ran into one of my new friends from Lighthouse and we began to talk. It was just a passing talk at first, but we soon fell into deeper conversation. This conversation brought me out of my own head a bit and dragged me back into the real world. As we talked, another beloved Lighthouse companion entered and was immediately brought into our conversation.
The three of us decided to get dinner together so as to be able to continue our conversation; I entirely forgot about the book in my hand. Not to say that not doing your homework is a good thing, however, some things are far more important; conversation and relationship with people being one, particularly when life is a bit on the stressful side. To maintain sanity. Our talk was nothing more than friends conversing, but it was one of those instances where I was reminded of just how blessed I am to be at such an amazing college, to be part of such an amazing group as Lighthouse and to know such great people and be privileged enough to call them my friends. It’s been the small conversations with random people, some of whom I’ve never spoken to before, all over campus and at the most random times, this week which have been getting me through. It’s always been relationship with other people that has gotten me through some of my worst experiences. The best part of me is, and always will be, the people whom I love.